Over the years, there are a few things my dad has consistently embodied.
First, he helps without expecting anything in return. Not in a reckless way, but with wisdom. He won’t do something that will harm him or leave him with regret. His kindness is thoughtful, not careless.
Second, he lives by independence. He doesn’t place his trust too easily in people, and he expects very little from them. If they show up, he’s grateful. If they don’t, nothing is spoiled. He carries no bitterness.
This also reflects in how he raises us, his children. Anytime he’s asked, “Why are you training your children so intentionally?” his answer is always deep:
“I’m not training them so they can give back to me in the future. I’m training them so they can be okay on their own. So they can sustain themselves. If they can’t give to me, then I won’t be the one giving from the little I’m surviving on — they won’t be a burden.”
Third, he only carries what he can bear — in life and even in simple things like physical load. He won’t carry something with the expectation that someone will meet him and help him along the way. Even when people offer, he sometimes declines respectfully.
When he explained this to me, he said: “What makes people happy to help you is that you don’t always accept. If you keep obliging every time, their help will turn into eye service instead of sincerity.”
I’m still learning from him. Always.
May Allah preserve him upon khayr and grant both my parents a beautiful ending.
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